Pelvic Health for Confidence

There can be so much guilt and embarrassment when we are unable to or don’t want to participate in intimacy. Intimacy and sex encompass a vast and complex realm. You need mind readiness, spiritual readiness, physical readiness, as well as someone that you want to be intimate with. If you feel like you have to grit your teeth through intercourse, then this is for you! Learn how to improve your own body and pelvic floor so you can engage in sex and intimacy in the way that you want to!

Improving your sex life is going to stem from improving the quality of your pelvic floor. The pelvic floor has three holes and three layers of muscles. We have the anus, the vagina, the urethra, and of course the clitoris. The whole pelvic floor is responsible for our experience with sex and intimacy. I want to teach you how to optimize your pelvic floor so that sex can be better and things can feel better for you.

A lot of the time the pelvic floor is in a tightened position, so it’s more contracted. That tends to be how women live their life:  with a more contracted or shortened pelvic floor. When that happens and the muscle isn’t getting to a relaxed state, we lose blood flow, we lose natural lubrication, and we lose the pleasure sensation (along with reduced sensation in general).  I have three tips on how to improve your pelvic health and pelvic floor function so that sex and intimacy feels better.

The first tip is about how we hold our bodies in space. Often, I see people clenching their glutes, even while seated at their desks. It’s like being in a state of semi-contraction. This constant tension can lead to tightness and discomfort. This habitual clenching directly affects our pelvic floors, causing them to tighten as well. However, overly tense pelvic floors don’t contribute to better sexual experiences. In fact, they lead to shortened muscles, tissue that is more fibrotic, and less blood flow.

To counteract this, it’s important to focus on relaxing and opening these muscles. Relaxed muscles are actually stronger and provide a more enjoyable sensation during intimacy, for both you and your partner. Therefore, the first step is to consciously relax the glutes. If you find yourself clenching them, take a moment to intentionally release the tension. By doing so you’re paving the way for improved blood flow and natural lubrication, ultimately enhancing your overall experience.

The second thing you can do is diaphragmatic breathing, also known as “belly breathing.” With this method, you engage the diaphragm: a dome shaped muscle located beneath the rib cage. When you inhale, the diaphragm flattens or descends, resembling an inverted umbrella. As you exhale, it returns to its umbrella state. The pelvic floor mimics the same movement. When you inhale, the pelvic floor opens and elongates. When you exhale, it recoils. If you can develop a connection with your diaphragmatic breath in sensing the opening of your pelvic floor, that’s going to help drastically improve your sex life.

During intercourse, we sometimes tend to brace ourselves or hold ourselves rigid. That can make things tighter, and not in a good way for you or your partner; it’s actually going to make things uncomfortable. Working on establishing the connection between the pelvic floor opening and relaxing in regards to breathing is important to improve these muscles for intercourse! To make this connection, take a deep breath. When you inhale, think about the vagina and vulva opening. Exhale and you get some recoil. If you are unable to sense that, try placing a finger right next to either the vagina or vulva and do this type of breathing. You can also stick that finger right inside of the vagina and see if you can feel that opening when you go to inhale. By practicing this daily for 5 minutes, the pelvic floor position will be improved and thus the experience of intercourse will also improve.

My third tip for you is a gentle inner thigh stretch. Start by laying on your back with a pillow underneath your legs for support. Put your feet together with your knees bent upright. Let the knees slowly fall to the sides to the point where you can feel the stretch in your inner thighs.  This type of opening and stretching of the inner thighs helps relax the attachments to the pelvis and some stretch of the fascia. Hold the position for 5 to 7 minutes. This stretch will help with the opening of the hips and opening of the pelvic floor. You can incorporate diaphragmatic breathing: a deep breath into the belly, pelvic floor opening, exhaling and letting it go. Inhale and open, exhale and let it go.

If you incorporate these tips into your life every single day, you are going to have better pelvic floor function. I believe that the secret to avoiding peeing your pants, achy joints, joint replacements, bladder surgeries is pelvic health function. The better your pelvic floor operates, the better your core is going to work for you.